Donkey Konga
I shall never forget the first time I saw a Dance Dance Revolution machine. It was a terrifying beast, a view into an alternate past where plastic and fluorescent tubing were available to the designers of medieval torture devices. It had a screen, yes, but it oozed a malevolent charm not usually associated with arcade cabinets. For a brief moment, I was afraid for the future of humanity. Then I saw someone actually playing it.
Now, of course, they're everywhere. Arcades are full of people bar-vaulting on flashing arrows to cheesy beats, and some of you may even have your own dance mats at home. The rhythm game market is supersaturated, and there are three possible choices when trying to squeeze another title in there:
- Add more songs (Dancing Stage 5th Mix Hyper Furry Alpha Edition Plus, etc.)
- Give the player something else to do (Gitaroo Man)
- Find another way to make the player look silly (Karaoke Revolution)
Donkey Konga plants itself firmly in the third category with its cunning use of bongos.
Bongos.
Donkey Konga's hook is a huge pair of plastic drums, larger than the Gamecube they plug into, about which lie the various inputs you need to play along. Each soft plastic skin conceals a large button, with a third note being them both hit together, and a little microphone makes up the fourth by picking up clapping sounds. And that's it. Two buttons and a mic. As the icons scroll across the screen, you tap the drums and clap in time. The better you bongo, the more points you win. As a concept, it's almost laughably simple. In action, it's simply laughable.
Naturally, looking silly only really works when there are others around you. Two players may indulge in a frantic bong-off or up to four can jam along in a quartet, with each playing a different part of the final melody. The sight of a friend frantically hammering a pair of plastic drums or having some sort of minor fit as they try to catch up after a missed beat is a strangely beautiful one. For that alone, Donkey Konga is hard not to like.
It's a shame that's not the case elsewhere. The selection of thirty-odd songs is pleasantly diverse, featuring versions of things that have troubled the charts at some point from Wild Thing to Tubthumping, along with unusual choices (Hungarian Dance No. 5 in G Minor being a particular favourite) and a small selection of Nintendo themes. Not all are good, and not all are even well suited to drumming - Just what is Gary Barlow doing in there? - but as with any rhythm game, you're going to settle on a handful of songs you like.
The real problem here is difficulty. Easy mode barely requires you to touch the drums, while a few minutes practice on medium is enough to ensure you never fail a stage again. On the other hand, hard mode throws the beats like there's no tomorrow, proving initially impossible until you get into the swing of things. With a relaxed attitude to timing, you don't have to be perfect and there is little incentive to do so. There is no A grade to shoot for and the only hint at progress is the ability to unlock hard mode and earn some truly hideous bongo sound sets and minigames. Their inclusion is so poor that it physically hurts me to write about them.
So I won't. Because that's not really what Donkey Konga is about. Consider those menu options to be bugs that slipped through playtesting, and let us never speak of them again. Instead, just get your bongos, and a few extra controllers if you don't have enough, invite some people round, and make fools of yourselves to music. Be sure to film it for future blackmailing purposes and the evening will pay for itself.
In Conclusion
Donkey Konga isn't going to make a permanent home in your Cube, and the bongos are of little other use. However, criticising its lack of single-player effort would be like knocking it for failing to cure cancer or grow legs. It's a multiplayer game for people who aren't afraid to have fun without needing to splatter their screens with the virtual blood of their friends. Bongo on.
| Bongos |
|---|
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| No-gos |
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| Final Score |
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| Bunch of Bananas |
| Twister with more drums and less sexual tension. |
